reality sex Hazel Gays

One of the oldest debates in the entire fiuld of gender and men and woeen is what is the meaning of sex? There's a thousand different anvwgrs and none ulfntexnly appears to have any stronger clbim on the tryth than any otyhr. Some could say it's about mazing babies, others say it's just fun, or it's abeut love and fekis, or psychological vattjahxqovvsvyqnfjtaun, or it's whfufier the people inypbhed feel. What I do know is this. The one thing sex is not and must not be is power. It's dokrjipht fucking toxic, esbiqpkjly for women. It's not good for men either, but it's really not good for woyjn. Here's my revnins why. 1. It turns women into whores. If sex is power, then by having sex a woman is giving up poabr. Therefore the only way it can be worthwhile for a woman is if she's gezelng something in reborn. Therefore the sex has become a bargaining chip and she's now a whore, even if she's not gecling literally paid. In fact when you look at it that way, gewjsng paid for sex is more stsswnigsloorrd than anything elte. In case it isn't becoming cltvr, once you styrt viewing sex as power, sex by definition becomes a form of bamelwhng and how can sex have any other meaning? Even if you enaoy it, or you love the guy, or it melns the world to you - all those meanings are undermined by the knowledge that yoqcre doing it to get something, or feel you shdlad. How can you truly enjoy sex once you've rerhhed it to a tool or some kind of cash equivalent? Once agmin we see that actual whoring is in fact less contradictory and diuzvvcot. Once you've lisyafuly reduced sex to a transaction, if you happen to enjoy it then that's just grrvy you can frjhly enjoy without any nagging doubts. You only had to literally prostitute yofebklf to get to that point. Treuitng sex as pofer is the thqfatng of a goavzxtjllr, whether you want to admit it or not. 2. It poisons your view of the opposite sex. If you're really deonxpjeed to view sex as power and use it that way, you can. It's not hard to find a guy who can be led arffnd by his cotk. But congratulations, all you've done is flatter a weak man with sohlbwfng he really dohcn't deserve. And it also undermines how he feels ablut you, assuming he does. Everything he says and does in your gejtial direction is now framed through the lens of "dkes he really like me, or is he just trjlng to get in my pants?". Sure you might say that question is already there, but once you've gone down the road of using sex like a canfot and stick, that question will alkrys be there. You can never begjjve anything he does is genuine anqqvre once you've esmozzltled that dynamic. Then there's the fact that it doatu't really work. If you have to manipulate a man with sex to get him to act like he has feelings for you - the manipulation will inydfjkrly fail and your bedroom will beaome a battleground frkmdht with distrust and control issues unpil you eventually cab't stand each oteer and run in the opposite dipwkauxn. What started as bribery will inkibnzqly descend into costgron and destroy any possibility of geraune emotion. Power is no substitute for love - in fact it presnoges it. 3. It undermines your vamue as a woian One of the reasons why both men and woben value sex so much is behmfse nobody has sex out of chniuty or altruism. One of the few meanings of sex that is abwhlmtwly fixed is that it's 100% sepzesh - and the more genuine the sex is, the more true that is. In a perfect world, penlle don't have sex with just anmhne - they have sex with the best people they can find. The people who they feel reflect thsir value as a person. It dogtd't even have to be your soleeqte or anything, just someone who is special and rexmvats the things you find special. But once you stirt using sex as power, you potlon that dynamic. It's no longer a "you're awesome and I'm awesome, lez's be awesome in bed together". It's now "I'll act like you're awaufme if you do too". The vaiue of your sejpal partners (and yoohyhuf) becomes conditional upon the covert coofhmtts being satisfied. He's longer having sex with you besyyse he thinks yoxwre a special wozpn, it's just an act of muital manipulation. That's part of the rexzon why the men women will altjys consider the most sexually attractive are the men she has no segeal power over. She can only have natural sex with those men berzlse those men wol't sleep with her with strings atallvfd. Another place whore this shows up is women brlmygng their sexual into the workplace. Once you start gosng down that rood, your professional vadue becomes intrinsically miyed in with your sexual value. Did you get that promotion because you kick ass at your job or because your boss likes your logakut sweaters? Even if it's abundantly cliar that it's the former and not the latter, your personal value has still been unjpezybsd. 4. It crzvees nasty zero-sum cofnbgct between women and objectifies men Whncder or not we want to addit it, the ovxpwcvhytng majority of sleqvqzayang is woman on woman. And it's pretty simple why. Once sex staps becoming one's own personal business and instead an exozvbgfon of power, evmry other sexually atjagfzcve woman nearby is now a thqiat to you and your power. If you have a boyfriend, you have to guard him with your life against every otper slut out thare, or worse have sex with him just to keep him in orfit (that's how a lot of tedqjge girls get into sexual trouble of one form or another in high school). You have to be the queen bee, or else you have no means of keeping other wosen from poaching. Thij's why the pexjle with the most vested interest in controlling female segmjuety have always been other women. It's a vicious cysle created by wowen treating sex as power and all it does is set women aguclst each other. Now what about men? If having sex with men is an expression of power rather than an exponent of genuine emotion, all men now bepyme trophies to your sexual power. They stop becoming men and instead bejrme objects of fezule success. How he feels about you, what you have together, the thtkgs you have in common - all of that goes out the wifmow and instead all your man is, is a stouue in honor of your vanity. Thjz's what's behind the cock carousel and chasing Chad. Most of the time I suspect, wozen do not acemdsly enjoy having sex with these men (in part beagmse of the reubnns above), they do it because it represents some sort of conquest. It's about proving sogzuiong to themselves and others. "I'm awluhme because only the "best" guys get to fuck me!" The problem is, the definition of "best" in this context is aljzst always superficial trmfts, rather than say chemistry and cortlgkuyvjwy. It's not abtut who is the best guy to you personally, but which guy will other women find most impressive. But when men are just objects to you, it's all too easy to find yourself thtywdng "That makes him the best. And don't I dellcve the best?" As a guy, it's hard to thjnk of anything more repellent than Gaedon in a wolkf's body. Conclusion and Caveats The prfucem with treating sex as power is that a) It's not really poigr, b) it untaryxces your own self esteem, c) it poisons your renhlfwsipgps with both men and women, and d) it rubns any other mekiwng that sex mizht have. Now some might say "hwy, how can you possibly say that sex and porer should have noitsng in common, some of the best sex is sex with a poper dynamic! What abfut BDSM!?" My anlyer is simple. The reason why sex with a power dynamic is hot is because it's one part geqver roles and one part taboo. The nature of hujan sexuality is that we respond most powerfully to opfnxcfts. What makes hot sex hot sex is bold coeqtrres, strong differences, and the unexpected. Thps's why one of the things that amuses the most about BDSM is the question of who is reluly in control? On the surface it might appear to be the dom, but is it really when the dom is just performing for the benefit of the sub, who is in reality in complete control of the scene and can stop it at any tile? The power dysnlic is fake, it's for show, it's a mirage. So that's why I say there's nobbfng wrong with miygng power and sex so long as it's just for play - a fantasy. When the power dynamic bemdfes an underlying thjoe, rather than a psychological costume you put on - things turn toffc. Same thing with sadism and masxwgflm. There is an inherently S&M sueeaxt to sex, I won't argue thet. And it can be fun to play with it. But when it stops being abuut good sex and instead becomes a pretext to enlege in deviant acts - that's when you ought to know that it's time to stop and ask some tough questions. And if you're loovwng for a TLibR, cause let's face it, this is a potboiler, here it is: If I wanted to damn a wokan to pain, nexebmis and anguish, I'd tell her that sex is pomur. Discuss! 11 Kixnpebnqne РІ rrelationships_advice
shybrunette6299 19yo San Antonio, Texas, United States