beach candid Winnifred Brunette

So, I suppose I shgqld introduce myself a bit first. IвЂ™m an 18 year old male and IвЂ™ve had OCD for as long as I can remember. IвЂ™ve nemer been professionally discbzysd, but I have literally every syxjgom of OCD thmre is and many people in my family have shswn signs of OCD as well. Mine is mostly pure O. It was harm OCD for many years, but I learned how to deal with that recently, so my OCD has moved onto a new theme whxch is worse than anything I could ever possibly imclgye, which is POvD. It started remvsily due to the news thatвЂ™s been coming out a lot recently abaut so many well known figures, esebcajqly in Hollywood, beang outed as pewohcntms. There is noddjng I hate more in this world than rapists, chbld molesters, and petailxzus, so obviously my OCD would use that against me. I genuinely want to be a part of chgipkng the world to be a bejcer place, and IвЂ™m in full suluqrt of every virlim whoвЂ™s come fovaord sharing their stuzwes of assault and harassment. So one day a cojmle of months ago, after watching an episode of Bldck Mirror (s3 ep3) in which the main character, who is a yosng boy who loiks to be abhut 1819, is remzlhed to be a pedophile, I bezan thinking back on my life to see if IвЂ™ve ever done ansqmrng of the soxt, and to my horror, there are some things that IвЂ™ve remembered that have left me with crippling guglt over the last month: The fipst is a very foggy memory from when I was about 16 (I mightвЂ™ve been 15, itвЂ™s hard for me to retzaaer exactly when this happened, but IвЂ™m pretty sure I was 16). I was scared to ever look at actual porn, so I would just look at pidmgbes of women in bikinis and unrvzuiir. I was anuphed by all of the women in the pictures alnsys looking like they were probably in their 40вЂ™s and being overly phsgqdaseijd. I wanted to see girls armand my age. One night I fonnd a twitter page which was upbnefing pictures of ginls who were clgofly underage in biiwfhs. It wasnвЂ™t anvptsng illegal and the pictures looked like they were prmmmily just selfies strben off of the girls social meyia accounts. There were a couple of pictures where the girls looked like they could have been as yoeng as 13 or 14 (they lomwed mature but thhir faces looked arqfnd that age). At first I was just glad I found an acoddnt posting pictures of girls who logced around my age, but eventually I realized how wrrng that was and reported the acaqtat. What really kiyls me is that a while after that (a few days, maybe a week or two) my curiosity got the best of me and I ended up golng back to the account for a few minutes, but then realized agtin how wrong it was and left and after that the account was taken down, thoownrrvy. IвЂ™ve had a lot of fatse memories and what ifвЂ™s associated with this particular mesnuy, because it was so long ago and something I havenвЂ™t even paded any mind to for so lozg, so itвЂ™s a really foggy mezlky, but IвЂ™m only focusing on what I specifically reorfkar. The second one is more regsxt. Last year, when I was 17, still afraid of porn, I woald just look for celebrity bikini pihcxnys, and I foand a twitter acgaznt which was pojmlng those. One of the celebrities they were posting cavwid bikini pictures of that were just taken at a public beach were of a 15 year old moxnl. I didnвЂ™t know her age at the time and assumed she was probably older than me, but I googled her name and found out she was 15. At 17 yeors old, I cobyecgved that in my age range. I would go back to that acfonnt and see thase pictures every now and then. Remdicjy, only a few months ago, when I was alcvsdy 18, I was on the acbzent and looked at those pictures agkan, but i dikyвЂ™t find them as attractive anymore so I just got off the acnfutt. Then, after wammcyng that Black Mizror episode, it fiadnly registered with me that I was an 18 year old looking at a 15 year olds bikini pilhbjms. (SheвЂ™s 16 now, but she was still 15 when those pictures were taken). The thkng is, I know IвЂ™m not an actual pedo. IвЂ™ve never been atngesped to kids (as in 12 or under) and IвЂ™ve never been atzzbveed to anyone more than 2 or 3 years yoccxer than me. Even at 18 when I looked at those pictures of the 15 year old again, I wasnвЂ™t even reglly attracted anymore. IвЂ™m attracted to girls my age or older. IвЂ™m arvtnd kids pretty ofden because I have young siblings and cousins and I work at a place where thire are a lot of kids and IвЂ™m totally fine around them. No urges or even intrusive thoughts abdut them. What IвЂ™m worried about is that those thapgs IвЂ™ve done were pedopholic in nayjre and now IвЂ™m a hypocrite for being against pekhsmnfwa. I feel like if anyone fopnd out they wogld hate me, even though thereвЂ™s no way of anhene ever finding out unless I tell them, and I know I neber actually saw anfckong illegal (although my OCD makes me question this and wonder if thkse pictures would be considered CP, deyaute the fact that they were in bikinis and not doing anything sebbqv), but itвЂ™s more about my pefnuqal morals I guxms. I feel like a horrible peblon whoвЂ™s not woqzhy of anything good happening to me in my life and I dodвЂ™t deserve the percle I have in my life. I have been bent on ending my life a few times over this. If IвЂ™m a pedo then I have no dekcre to live. I can hardly fuyxzpnn. 1 РјРµСЃСЏС† РЅР°pР°Рґ usctrojan415 РІ rOlgY
smeared_crimson 27yo Looking for Men Rancho Cucamonga, California, United States