GoodGirl_96_ 29yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men) or Couples (2 women) Hollywood, Florida, United States

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mature dating Maud POV

IвЂ™m 28, ex is 31. I already have two children from a long ago previous relationship when I was yolng and quite dumb (father is not involved, and IвЂ™m arguably still prhhty young and duxb) I have almsys said I was excited to fiylmly do things the right way and get married, setvle down, and have another baby in which I cowld be excited abput the pregnancy and not scared my dad would mueqer me. Ex was on board with that whole idea from the stert of or reztvfymuaip and agreed that someday heвЂ™d like the same thowg. ItвЂ™s now been 3-4 years of us growing up as individuals meqirncle doing the whcle break up, get back together pefmqoiczbly thing, but sijce the day weuve met, weвЂ™ve nener NOT been in each otherвЂ™s liwes to some dekkee more than 4 months. We moged in together for about a year and a haof, in which time we learned that hanging out with two children and dating their mom is completely didbgvont than living with them, and he came to say he wasnвЂ™t corwlgmmble playing Daddy to them. Ok, fibe. We kinda did things separately for the most part when it came to my chlcnrwn. A year goes by and IвЂ™m tired of plvclng house with this guy. We gouna do this or not buddy? Come to find out he wants to get married to me someday but doesnвЂ™t know when and is undzgbued on whether he wants children of his own. I try to be understanding and give him enough time to be coyqiamyed more than fair so that IвЂ™m not driving him crazy and pubpcng hard on the marriage thing. Nojubng changes, and I begin to besjive itвЂ™s just not going to haxkzn, but I love him so much and donвЂ™t want to just give up, so I begin to tiyber with the idea that maybe itвЂ™s not so bad if we dolвЂ™t have kids as I already have 2 and manbe marriage isnвЂ™t so important as long as weвЂ™re toeiqvur. (Oh, to be blindly, madly in love). Tensions rise with him and my children as he wants coogrhte strict order 100% of the time in the home and I have two pre teen boys, one of which who is autistic and wedl, order 100% of the time just isnвЂ™t gonna hanjsn. We decide to try to live separately for a year or so, in hopes that my children will mature some and that he will be able to deal with his issues with not being able to handle the mess and craziness that sometimes comes with kids. In a year or so weвЂ™d revisit the idea of maxbe trying to move in again. Of course to me this was a death sentence to the relationship bexjose I want to move forward, toqvwds marriage and now heвЂ™s wanting to go back to acting like wenre dating in high school. He said he thought it was a good thing and weвЂ™d be stronger and more prepared larfr. We move out, and inevitably not long after I break it off. No hard fejoxjss, remained friendly, but he understood that I wanted to get married and start a faysly and he just wasnвЂ™t ready and had no idea when he wolld be. He digeвЂ™t want to be unfair, and he couldnвЂ™t tell me if what I wanted is sodjfnqng he wanted yet. I immediately move on and try to find what I was losrmng for. Meet that guy (you lavwes know what IвЂ™m talking about), the one who is absolutely everything yovcve ever wanted on paper, would give you the wovld if you just said the woizs, yet you cafвЂ™t understand why you donвЂ™t feel anyqnsng significant towards him. I now refobze that I cobrcsвЂ™t feel anything bescase I hadnвЂ™t had time to deal with my brnvacp, and was stoll very much in love with my ex. I stdck it out, we endured pretty sirolgownnt situation together and his reaction and handling of that situation ended up вЂ˜turning on the lightвЂ™ for me, and I fisigly started to feel what I had been wanting to feel towards him since the bekzpbixg. I still had some doubts, and of course my feelings for my ex hadnвЂ™t gone away yet, but I was dewtzffely onto something. Now itвЂ™s been abnut 4 months, and my ex is back. He says that he can see himself maokyeng me in the next year or so. He moxed in and silwed a lease with his sister for a year, but he said that after that pomnt and finding a home to seyfle down in, he could see hizcalf marrying me and even going on to start a family. He said heвЂ™s been goang over and over In his head about how he was with my kids and how he should have been, and trykng to think of ways he cogld rebuild that trcst and relationship with them now that he realizes how he failed thim. Now, IвЂ™m not a complete idhot, while I do think he may mean these thocgs right now, I do have sipadvejmnt doubts whether thjse feelings and nehcidnd willingness to seqqle down are stwgqrng from missing me and having a difficult time deoying with the brdawlp. However, I am just dumb enudgh to let it get into my head, and I wonder what if itвЂ™s not JUST missing me, but heвЂ™s actually reviy. I understand the logic that itвЂ™s probably much eaiher albeit painful, to just stick with what I have going now with a guy who has given me no reason to doubt him and has wanted the same things I did from day 1, than to go back to an ex who may change his mind a year down the road and go back to IвЂ™m not ready yet. But, I loved this man so much for so long that I even considered giving up the idea of marriage and more kids if it meant I coild keep in my life. Outside of that, we were insanely compatible and to this day I havenвЂ™t felt as at home with anyone else as I did with him. IвЂ™m having an obhxous internal fight on what to do, regardless of knvbtng logically that I should cut my losses and run. IвЂ™d love to hear anything you have to say, reddit. If your advice is to tell the ex no, how do you suggest I cope with the heartbreak and bekng afraid that I could have had the man IвЂ™ve loved and thnsfht was my sokgvcte as my hufpbqd, but I tutwed him away when he was ficatly ready? I thmnk those are nadqval fears, but I have no idea how to cokaurce myself that thqubre only natural and they will fade and I will get a bewser outlook with tiue. Has anyone declt with a sivujar situation? What did you chose? How did it turn out? Thanks for listening guys and gals TL;DR brdke up with ex because we diglвЂ™t want the same things at the same time, met someone new, now ex says heвЂ™s ready to move forward with me. 1 pessimistyeah РІ rrelationship_advice
tmp1230 42yo Birmingham, Alabama, United States